Some Merry Encouragement

Here is my practical encouragement for you this event filled, schedule packed season.  And... I tell you this for free!
1) Make lists!  You have a million 'to do's' banging around in your head right now.  Get them down on paper.  You will be amazed at how much energy this frees up.  There is also such great satisfaction when you get to cross the items off - done!
2) B, B & B.
A coaching 101 tool:  Bag it, Barter it or Better It.
Take that seemingly endless list and consider each item.  Is this item something that you can 'Bag' - ignore, delete, throw out, delay. 
Is this item something that you can 'Barter.'  You will exchange some goods, services, money with a friend/co-worker/relative, etc if they will take care of this item for you.
Is this item something you absolutely have to do, cannot give away, can not exchange away, but you really don't like to have to do it?  Then Better It!  Give yourself a treat while you are doing it (one of my standard treats:  Starbuck's coffee.  Makes me whistle while I work.) OR reward yourself immediately upon completion.  I promise myself 30 minutes of uninterrupted reading time for doing 1 hour of chores.
Tis the season to be Merry folks.  Make yourself Merry First!

Now What?: Transition

Now What?: Transition

Transition

Transition (tran zis̸h′ən, -sis̸h′ən)
Noun: a. a passing from one condition, form, stage, activity, place, etc. to another
b. the period of such passing.

This is the ‘state’ I currently find myself. I am not where I was, and I am not where I want to be, I am firmly in the activity of passing from one stage to another.

Life is actually a constant state of transition, but we continually act surprised, or caught off guard by it. Transition ‘happens’ to us in various ways. Some are developmental – built into our biology. Baby to toddler, child to adolescent, adolescent to adult, mid-life and then again when entering the elderly stage of life. Other transitions seem like accidents – events that occur unexpectantly. Death, divorce, job loss/change, marriage, moving, even winning the lottery. These occurances cause a crisis – a loss of identity, a change in our ‘role,’ the way we are grounded in the world

Martha Beck describes transition as death and rebirth. The ‘loss’ that one experiences needs to be acknowledged, talked about and grieved. It is necessary in order to be able to enjoy our ‘new’ life. But, before the ‘new’ life feels ‘normal,’ transition is your condition.

For me it has been a bit like being a kid in the backseat on a long car drive. At some moments I am excited about leaving the past behind and enjoy anticipating the destination. At times I can occupy myself to help pass the time. I can even do preparation work, making me believe that I will have an advantage when I get ‘there.’ And then there is my most frequent, frustrating reaction: “Are we there yet?” “How much further?” “This is not fun! I want out! Let’s stop now!”

But alas, the ultimate discovery is that I’m not the one driving! Transition is a ‘vehicle’ that goes at the speed it goes and absolutely cannot be controlled by my behavior or my efforts. So, I am learning, slowly, to 1) stay present – anticipating the unknown future causes extreme anxiety. 2) Going back is impossible. 3) Reframe my identity loss as not a huge catastrophe but an essential part of personal growth. 4) Realize that I don’t know what the “H” is going on, most of the time, and that’s o.k. In the mean time, I will just try to enjoy the ride. I’ll know I am ‘there’ when I get there.

So Cool!

I've been practicing this exercise called 'star charting'... it is described in various books and called various things, but the gist of it is that you spend some time being quiet in order to reconnect with your 'real' self and let your mind/thoughts rest and allow your imagination/observer self..what ever you call the part of your intuition brain...to have an opportunity to say stuff. This is usually communicated (in my case anyway) in the form of pictures, or visions.. sometimes these pictures make sense and sometimes they don't, but the point is to just go with it. It is like dreaming but you are not asleep.
I did this a while ago and then just began flipping through magazines and pulling out images that caught my attention or caused some sort of reaction/feeling and pasted them onto a wall... no real rhyme/reason or meaning that I could see then...just stuff I liked.. pictures of books, beaches, stainless steal appliances, a grand piano... all things that appeal to me. In the middle of this collage I pasted a tiny square photo of my favorite self help author "Martha Beck."
Several months go by and I don't really pay much attention to my star chart/collage creation. I am out running and notice a photo of Martha Beck in the top corner of the front page of a newspaper in a newspaper stand. So, I stop and read the cover. She is coming to Calgary for a women's conference and the newspaper is giving away tickets in a prize draw. I ran home immediately and entered the contest on line.
Several weeks go by and I get a call. I won the tickets! I got to go to the conference and see one of my idols live and in person. I thought that was pretty cool and maybe even related to the star chart thingy.
Several more months go by. My life as I know it begins to unravel. I seriously delve into my Martha Beck self help books hoping to find some guidance. I began meditating as a regular practice in order to stop the frantic thinking that occurs during times of crisis. I began to get visions that I could actually draw myself. I started drawing in my very own sketch book. I have not drawn a single thing since Grade 12 art class! This was cool.
I again made a star chart, this one with images that I had actually 'seen' in my mind's eye - most of them unexplainable, like a banquet room(?) and again, Martha's picture went on there, because I felt she was my very own personal helper.
Shortly after that, I enrolled in her Life Coach Training Course - which I am currently participating in.
I just returned from a life changing Life Coach Training Seminar in Phoenix Arizona that was facilitated by Martha herself. (there is a whole other blog post to write on this...!) Not only that... She sat right at my table..Oh yes she did!... in guess what?... the banquet room I imagined and posted on my star chart... AND I now have a picture of myself with Martha and she autographed my (well, her!) book...
How cool is that?

Dear Women Who Rule the World.
You who are wholeheartedly giving your all to your husbands, your children, your bosses, your parents, siblings, neighbours and friends.
What are you hungry for? Really, really hungry for? Not necessarily for food, although that I would like to know also.
What is it that you want to work better in your life?
Are you plain tired all the time? Are your kids experiencing stresses that have you worried about their health, well-being? Are you concerned about your husband? Are you pissed off at your husband? Are you glad he’s gone most of the time? Does watching Oprah or reading self – improvement/help articles make you feel bad about yourself?
Is doing everything right really working for you?
Where do you get your drive and determination to just keep all the balls in the air?
Tell me, Tell me please.

p.s.
Here are some more great questions submitted by an awesome woman I know:
Are you hanging on by your fingernails?
What are you afraid of?
What do you do for you?
What keeps you awake at night?What gives you joy?/Does anything give you joy?

I sent myself away on a weekend retreat. The purpose of this retreat was to devote myself to the craft of writing. I bought “A Writer’s Workbook” and I was going to begin the process of honing my writing skills, developing a craft of writing.
Well, that’s not what happened. God, The Lord, The Universe..one, all, well they had a different idea. Now I remember that I believe that nothing in life is by accident. This weekend was no accident, it was planned ahead, just for me.
I set up my hibernation center just the way I wanted it, fired up my laptop, just to clear up e-mails and tidy loose ends, that sort of thing and got caught up in reading a blog, http://whitehottruth.com which led to reading someone’s on-line book http://lianneraymond.com and still further I logged onto a website I was interested in. www.glindagirls.com In every one of these ‘rabbit trails’ there were questions. “What is Dying to Live?” “What Gives You A Reason to Live?” (erm…what is up here? I started thinking) “How Are You Fulfilling Your Life’s Purpose?” (gosh!..) “Is Life Alone Enough of a Reason to Want to Live?” (okay, okay…!!! You’ve got my attention!)
I decided that I would take these promptings personally and seriously. I opened my writing journal and got out my favorite coloured pens fully intending to answer these questions. I see myself as pretty grounded, centered, sure of my purpose and where I’m going in life. Well the first thing I discovered… I was wrong! These questions baffled, distressed, tortured me!
Then I did what all good writers do when they don’t know what to write. I did something else. First I did yoga and meditated. That helped a bit, but the questions seemed to get louder… no answers voiced themselves… then, I played my guitar and sang, real loud. I was by myself after all and I sounded fabulous. The questions listened patiently until I was done. I then picked up the book I had specifically reserved from the library and had been ‘saving’ for this weekend retreat. I got my blanket and popcorn and set about reading.
ALL OF THE ANSWERS that I needed were in this book! Of course, in this book there are more questions, but these I could answer and they were revelatory. I was so riveted that I even forgot about my popcorn and proceeded to devour the book instead… well, not literally.. well..you know.. I wrote out whole pages and spent the next 2 days fully engrossed in the contents. I’m still not done and I am so buying this book and rereading it with a highlighter next time.
The book is “Defy Gravity” by Caroline Myss. It is all about the power, definition and principals of GRACE.
So what are MY answers? I’ll give you the best that I can give for now… believing that these will continue to evolve as I do.

“What Is Dying to Live?” The me that is dying, needs to die fully is ‘the good girl.’ The one who does everything right. The one who believes she deserves, is entitled, is wronged. The me that is truly alive is my REAL self. My Soul. My Essential Self. Who is she? (see you can tell it’s a ‘mystical’ type question, because it always leads to more questions…) She is a Warrior Princess, a champion who longs to help those trapped in their own painful stories, to relieve suffering. “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” She is happy just to have relationships and experiences.

“What Gives You a Reason to Live?” Relationships. Divine experiences – leads me to conclude there must be more – more meaning, more experience, more divine. Owning my purpose which is to help others connect to their reason for living.

“How Are You Fulfilling Your Life’s Purpose?” By connecting to others in relationship. By being open to divine experiences (hits!) and learning/changing from them. By practicing my purpose by actually working with others to work on their suffering. By learning, always learning and growing always, all ways.

“Is Life Alone Enough of A Reason to Want to Live?” If I have no purpose, if I feel no connections to people, if I can not help others by being here… YES, life itself, alone is reason enough to want to live it because I would still be experiencing ‘the divine’ because that is the definition of life.

This was one of the hardest quizzes I’ve ever completed! I am quite tired by the challenge, but exhilarated also. I think it just may be the preparation I need for what is ahead. A solid foundation is always a good plan!
Quite the weekend retreat I had…

"Shouldn't I be Qualified?"

I am taking a new training course and at the very same time starting the wee baby steps of starting a 'practice' called Life Coaching. I have no comfort zone at all in either the course or the practice, but am enjoying myself more than I have in years, if ever!
This has brought up for me, again (!) the issue of 'being qualified.' I have believed, without question, that in order to get paid for what you do, you must have 'qualifications.' I assumed that everyone who has ever served me, taught me, employed me was 'qualified' to do so. As I matured, it became obvious that very many people were not qualified, yet held their positions/titles and were paid handsomely to do it.
I have done this only once before in my life - doing a job, before I was trained &/or qualified - and that was teaching music. I never had formal lessons as a child - I taught myself to play the guitar and learned to play piano on the pianos that my friends owned - we did not own a piano. I forced my children to take piano lessons, then discovered it was my 'dream' so I let them off the hook and enrolled myself in lessons. A friend asked me to 'teach' her daughter piano and I reluctantly said I would give it a try - 4 years later I have 8 Piano students and 8 guitar students! I got a 'semi-qualification' 2 years ago by completing my first and only piano exam. (I passed with honors!)
Now, I am practicing this 'new' thing with very little training and no qualification but I am discovering that I am learning it as I go. On the day I posed this question to myself: "Shouldn't I be Qualified?" I got immediate 'answers' from curious sources. My daily Facebook application "On this day, God wants you to know..." stated that God wants me to know that I learn by doing. The more I spend time on something, the more I 'learn' it. o.k.... cool.. and then later the same day, I read a passage that defined the word "Yariga" which in Japanese means "the joy that comes from doing."
I believe I got my answer! I will continue to do what I am doing...

Cree Grandmother's Tea

This week I stepped way, way out of my conservative, judgemental comfort zone (the place where mushrooms dwell!) and attended a ceremonial ladies tea. It was facilitated by a warm, beautiful, professional Psychologist. She learned the ceremony to honour women from her Cree grandmother.
23 women and 3 children donned long skirts and sat on handmade blankets. The hostess then explained the elements of the ceremony and their significance. This tea involved New Year elements as well. The leaving behind of the past and the prayers/intentions for the coming year.
I came away from the ceremony feeling very blessed - overwhelmed by my priviledge as a women in this day and age. Grateful for the sacrifices of my grandmothers - to bring the family to this free country - the sacrifices of my mother - to bring me to a place of being able to afford such opportunity. I came to realize that I do myself a favour by surrounding myself with a tribe of women. We support/nurture in a way that no other being can. We give so much away and l0vingly so, but do not take the time to be renewed in the same way.
I was significantly empowered to trust in my voice and use it.
I was also educated by this wonderful facilitator. Because she works in the field of human pyschology she passed on this nugget of information:
"Only 20% of the entire population of the world see the world the way the leaders and systems are that control this world. Those 20% are considered normal. Another 60% do not see the world or systems the same way but have learned to adapt and cope in order to survive without being labeled. These are the people who can change the systems and world view because they have learned to live in two worlds. Then there are 20% of people who do not agree with the world and will not conform. These people are seen as deviant and are supposedly the ones that we offer programs and services to try to help them conform. When you think that only 20% actually truly believe in how the world is truly organized and 80 % who do not, you see that the minority actually believe they are normal when in reality it is the majority who are normal ."

I am so glad my mushroom self attended this ceremony. The whole experience was great fertilizer for a Sunflower!

Can a Mushroom Become A Sunflower?

This question has prompted my search to begin a new life, my real life. Like many, many women I took on all the expected roles and duties and happily and sometimes not so happily cared for and served others. Not really having any needs, I thought, other than being happy only when every one else around me was happy.
One day, last year, and it was on a specific day, I woke up. I had an actual "Road to Damascus" experience. (only mine was the 'road to Panorama...') and I realized that I had been in the dark for most of my female life, kept sheltered, isolated even and fed a lot of B.S. aka nutrient rich fertilizer... but now, now I want height, light, warmth, exposure and a complete re-do.
There are no mushrooms that change/evolve into flowers... that I can find in my shallow research. And.. the caterpiller into a butterfly and phoenix from ashes has been done, alot... I actually 'pictured' a mushroom and a sunflower in my mind when I was grappling with what was going on with me and what was it that I wanted. Hence, the mushroom to sunflower evolutionary proposal.
I'll let you know how it's going...