I sent myself away on a weekend retreat. The purpose of this retreat was to devote myself to the craft of writing. I bought “A Writer’s Workbook” and I was going to begin the process of honing my writing skills, developing a craft of writing.
Well, that’s not what happened. God, The Lord, The Universe..one, all, well they had a different idea. Now I remember that I believe that nothing in life is by accident. This weekend was no accident, it was planned ahead, just for me.
I set up my hibernation center just the way I wanted it, fired up my laptop, just to clear up e-mails and tidy loose ends, that sort of thing and got caught up in reading a blog, http://whitehottruth.com which led to reading someone’s on-line book http://lianneraymond.com and still further I logged onto a website I was interested in. www.glindagirls.com In every one of these ‘rabbit trails’ there were questions. “What is Dying to Live?” “What Gives You A Reason to Live?” (erm…what is up here? I started thinking) “How Are You Fulfilling Your Life’s Purpose?” (gosh!..) “Is Life Alone Enough of a Reason to Want to Live?” (okay, okay…!!! You’ve got my attention!)
I decided that I would take these promptings personally and seriously. I opened my writing journal and got out my favorite coloured pens fully intending to answer these questions. I see myself as pretty grounded, centered, sure of my purpose and where I’m going in life. Well the first thing I discovered… I was wrong! These questions baffled, distressed, tortured me!
Then I did what all good writers do when they don’t know what to write. I did something else. First I did yoga and meditated. That helped a bit, but the questions seemed to get louder… no answers voiced themselves… then, I played my guitar and sang, real loud. I was by myself after all and I sounded fabulous. The questions listened patiently until I was done. I then picked up the book I had specifically reserved from the library and had been ‘saving’ for this weekend retreat. I got my blanket and popcorn and set about reading.
ALL OF THE ANSWERS that I needed were in this book! Of course, in this book there are more questions, but these I could answer and they were revelatory. I was so riveted that I even forgot about my popcorn and proceeded to devour the book instead… well, not literally.. well..you know.. I wrote out whole pages and spent the next 2 days fully engrossed in the contents. I’m still not done and I am so buying this book and rereading it with a highlighter next time.
The book is “Defy Gravity” by Caroline Myss. It is all about the power, definition and principals of GRACE.
So what are MY answers? I’ll give you the best that I can give for now… believing that these will continue to evolve as I do.
Well, that’s not what happened. God, The Lord, The Universe..one, all, well they had a different idea. Now I remember that I believe that nothing in life is by accident. This weekend was no accident, it was planned ahead, just for me.
I set up my hibernation center just the way I wanted it, fired up my laptop, just to clear up e-mails and tidy loose ends, that sort of thing and got caught up in reading a blog, http://whitehottruth.com which led to reading someone’s on-line book http://lianneraymond.com and still further I logged onto a website I was interested in. www.glindagirls.com In every one of these ‘rabbit trails’ there were questions. “What is Dying to Live?” “What Gives You A Reason to Live?” (erm…what is up here? I started thinking) “How Are You Fulfilling Your Life’s Purpose?” (gosh!..) “Is Life Alone Enough of a Reason to Want to Live?” (okay, okay…!!! You’ve got my attention!)
I decided that I would take these promptings personally and seriously. I opened my writing journal and got out my favorite coloured pens fully intending to answer these questions. I see myself as pretty grounded, centered, sure of my purpose and where I’m going in life. Well the first thing I discovered… I was wrong! These questions baffled, distressed, tortured me!
Then I did what all good writers do when they don’t know what to write. I did something else. First I did yoga and meditated. That helped a bit, but the questions seemed to get louder… no answers voiced themselves… then, I played my guitar and sang, real loud. I was by myself after all and I sounded fabulous. The questions listened patiently until I was done. I then picked up the book I had specifically reserved from the library and had been ‘saving’ for this weekend retreat. I got my blanket and popcorn and set about reading.
ALL OF THE ANSWERS that I needed were in this book! Of course, in this book there are more questions, but these I could answer and they were revelatory. I was so riveted that I even forgot about my popcorn and proceeded to devour the book instead… well, not literally.. well..you know.. I wrote out whole pages and spent the next 2 days fully engrossed in the contents. I’m still not done and I am so buying this book and rereading it with a highlighter next time.
The book is “Defy Gravity” by Caroline Myss. It is all about the power, definition and principals of GRACE.
So what are MY answers? I’ll give you the best that I can give for now… believing that these will continue to evolve as I do.
“What Is Dying to Live?” The me that is dying, needs to die fully is ‘the good girl.’ The one who does everything right. The one who believes she deserves, is entitled, is wronged. The me that is truly alive is my REAL self. My Soul. My Essential Self. Who is she? (see you can tell it’s a ‘mystical’ type question, because it always leads to more questions…) She is a Warrior Princess, a champion who longs to help those trapped in their own painful stories, to relieve suffering. “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” She is happy just to have relationships and experiences.
“What Gives You a Reason to Live?” Relationships. Divine experiences – leads me to conclude there must be more – more meaning, more experience, more divine. Owning my purpose which is to help others connect to their reason for living.
“How Are You Fulfilling Your Life’s Purpose?” By connecting to others in relationship. By being open to divine experiences (hits!) and learning/changing from them. By practicing my purpose by actually working with others to work on their suffering. By learning, always learning and growing always, all ways.
“Is Life Alone Enough of A Reason to Want to Live?” If I have no purpose, if I feel no connections to people, if I can not help others by being here… YES, life itself, alone is reason enough to want to live it because I would still be experiencing ‘the divine’ because that is the definition of life.
This was one of the hardest quizzes I’ve ever completed! I am quite tired by the challenge, but exhilarated also. I think it just may be the preparation I need for what is ahead. A solid foundation is always a good plan!
Quite the weekend retreat I had…
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