Transition

Transition (tran zis̸h′ən, -sis̸h′ən)
Noun: a. a passing from one condition, form, stage, activity, place, etc. to another
b. the period of such passing.

This is the ‘state’ I currently find myself. I am not where I was, and I am not where I want to be, I am firmly in the activity of passing from one stage to another.

Life is actually a constant state of transition, but we continually act surprised, or caught off guard by it. Transition ‘happens’ to us in various ways. Some are developmental – built into our biology. Baby to toddler, child to adolescent, adolescent to adult, mid-life and then again when entering the elderly stage of life. Other transitions seem like accidents – events that occur unexpectantly. Death, divorce, job loss/change, marriage, moving, even winning the lottery. These occurances cause a crisis – a loss of identity, a change in our ‘role,’ the way we are grounded in the world

Martha Beck describes transition as death and rebirth. The ‘loss’ that one experiences needs to be acknowledged, talked about and grieved. It is necessary in order to be able to enjoy our ‘new’ life. But, before the ‘new’ life feels ‘normal,’ transition is your condition.

For me it has been a bit like being a kid in the backseat on a long car drive. At some moments I am excited about leaving the past behind and enjoy anticipating the destination. At times I can occupy myself to help pass the time. I can even do preparation work, making me believe that I will have an advantage when I get ‘there.’ And then there is my most frequent, frustrating reaction: “Are we there yet?” “How much further?” “This is not fun! I want out! Let’s stop now!”

But alas, the ultimate discovery is that I’m not the one driving! Transition is a ‘vehicle’ that goes at the speed it goes and absolutely cannot be controlled by my behavior or my efforts. So, I am learning, slowly, to 1) stay present – anticipating the unknown future causes extreme anxiety. 2) Going back is impossible. 3) Reframe my identity loss as not a huge catastrophe but an essential part of personal growth. 4) Realize that I don’t know what the “H” is going on, most of the time, and that’s o.k. In the mean time, I will just try to enjoy the ride. I’ll know I am ‘there’ when I get there.