Dear Women Who Rule the World.
You who are wholeheartedly giving your all to your husbands, your children, your bosses, your parents, siblings, neighbours and friends.
What are you hungry for? Really, really hungry for? Not necessarily for food, although that I would like to know also.
What is it that you want to work better in your life?
Are you plain tired all the time? Are your kids experiencing stresses that have you worried about their health, well-being? Are you concerned about your husband? Are you pissed off at your husband? Are you glad he’s gone most of the time? Does watching Oprah or reading self – improvement/help articles make you feel bad about yourself?
Is doing everything right really working for you?
Where do you get your drive and determination to just keep all the balls in the air?
Tell me, Tell me please.

p.s.
Here are some more great questions submitted by an awesome woman I know:
Are you hanging on by your fingernails?
What are you afraid of?
What do you do for you?
What keeps you awake at night?What gives you joy?/Does anything give you joy?

I sent myself away on a weekend retreat. The purpose of this retreat was to devote myself to the craft of writing. I bought “A Writer’s Workbook” and I was going to begin the process of honing my writing skills, developing a craft of writing.
Well, that’s not what happened. God, The Lord, The Universe..one, all, well they had a different idea. Now I remember that I believe that nothing in life is by accident. This weekend was no accident, it was planned ahead, just for me.
I set up my hibernation center just the way I wanted it, fired up my laptop, just to clear up e-mails and tidy loose ends, that sort of thing and got caught up in reading a blog, http://whitehottruth.com which led to reading someone’s on-line book http://lianneraymond.com and still further I logged onto a website I was interested in. www.glindagirls.com In every one of these ‘rabbit trails’ there were questions. “What is Dying to Live?” “What Gives You A Reason to Live?” (erm…what is up here? I started thinking) “How Are You Fulfilling Your Life’s Purpose?” (gosh!..) “Is Life Alone Enough of a Reason to Want to Live?” (okay, okay…!!! You’ve got my attention!)
I decided that I would take these promptings personally and seriously. I opened my writing journal and got out my favorite coloured pens fully intending to answer these questions. I see myself as pretty grounded, centered, sure of my purpose and where I’m going in life. Well the first thing I discovered… I was wrong! These questions baffled, distressed, tortured me!
Then I did what all good writers do when they don’t know what to write. I did something else. First I did yoga and meditated. That helped a bit, but the questions seemed to get louder… no answers voiced themselves… then, I played my guitar and sang, real loud. I was by myself after all and I sounded fabulous. The questions listened patiently until I was done. I then picked up the book I had specifically reserved from the library and had been ‘saving’ for this weekend retreat. I got my blanket and popcorn and set about reading.
ALL OF THE ANSWERS that I needed were in this book! Of course, in this book there are more questions, but these I could answer and they were revelatory. I was so riveted that I even forgot about my popcorn and proceeded to devour the book instead… well, not literally.. well..you know.. I wrote out whole pages and spent the next 2 days fully engrossed in the contents. I’m still not done and I am so buying this book and rereading it with a highlighter next time.
The book is “Defy Gravity” by Caroline Myss. It is all about the power, definition and principals of GRACE.
So what are MY answers? I’ll give you the best that I can give for now… believing that these will continue to evolve as I do.

“What Is Dying to Live?” The me that is dying, needs to die fully is ‘the good girl.’ The one who does everything right. The one who believes she deserves, is entitled, is wronged. The me that is truly alive is my REAL self. My Soul. My Essential Self. Who is she? (see you can tell it’s a ‘mystical’ type question, because it always leads to more questions…) She is a Warrior Princess, a champion who longs to help those trapped in their own painful stories, to relieve suffering. “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” She is happy just to have relationships and experiences.

“What Gives You a Reason to Live?” Relationships. Divine experiences – leads me to conclude there must be more – more meaning, more experience, more divine. Owning my purpose which is to help others connect to their reason for living.

“How Are You Fulfilling Your Life’s Purpose?” By connecting to others in relationship. By being open to divine experiences (hits!) and learning/changing from them. By practicing my purpose by actually working with others to work on their suffering. By learning, always learning and growing always, all ways.

“Is Life Alone Enough of A Reason to Want to Live?” If I have no purpose, if I feel no connections to people, if I can not help others by being here… YES, life itself, alone is reason enough to want to live it because I would still be experiencing ‘the divine’ because that is the definition of life.

This was one of the hardest quizzes I’ve ever completed! I am quite tired by the challenge, but exhilarated also. I think it just may be the preparation I need for what is ahead. A solid foundation is always a good plan!
Quite the weekend retreat I had…

"Shouldn't I be Qualified?"

I am taking a new training course and at the very same time starting the wee baby steps of starting a 'practice' called Life Coaching. I have no comfort zone at all in either the course or the practice, but am enjoying myself more than I have in years, if ever!
This has brought up for me, again (!) the issue of 'being qualified.' I have believed, without question, that in order to get paid for what you do, you must have 'qualifications.' I assumed that everyone who has ever served me, taught me, employed me was 'qualified' to do so. As I matured, it became obvious that very many people were not qualified, yet held their positions/titles and were paid handsomely to do it.
I have done this only once before in my life - doing a job, before I was trained &/or qualified - and that was teaching music. I never had formal lessons as a child - I taught myself to play the guitar and learned to play piano on the pianos that my friends owned - we did not own a piano. I forced my children to take piano lessons, then discovered it was my 'dream' so I let them off the hook and enrolled myself in lessons. A friend asked me to 'teach' her daughter piano and I reluctantly said I would give it a try - 4 years later I have 8 Piano students and 8 guitar students! I got a 'semi-qualification' 2 years ago by completing my first and only piano exam. (I passed with honors!)
Now, I am practicing this 'new' thing with very little training and no qualification but I am discovering that I am learning it as I go. On the day I posed this question to myself: "Shouldn't I be Qualified?" I got immediate 'answers' from curious sources. My daily Facebook application "On this day, God wants you to know..." stated that God wants me to know that I learn by doing. The more I spend time on something, the more I 'learn' it. o.k.... cool.. and then later the same day, I read a passage that defined the word "Yariga" which in Japanese means "the joy that comes from doing."
I believe I got my answer! I will continue to do what I am doing...

Cree Grandmother's Tea

This week I stepped way, way out of my conservative, judgemental comfort zone (the place where mushrooms dwell!) and attended a ceremonial ladies tea. It was facilitated by a warm, beautiful, professional Psychologist. She learned the ceremony to honour women from her Cree grandmother.
23 women and 3 children donned long skirts and sat on handmade blankets. The hostess then explained the elements of the ceremony and their significance. This tea involved New Year elements as well. The leaving behind of the past and the prayers/intentions for the coming year.
I came away from the ceremony feeling very blessed - overwhelmed by my priviledge as a women in this day and age. Grateful for the sacrifices of my grandmothers - to bring the family to this free country - the sacrifices of my mother - to bring me to a place of being able to afford such opportunity. I came to realize that I do myself a favour by surrounding myself with a tribe of women. We support/nurture in a way that no other being can. We give so much away and l0vingly so, but do not take the time to be renewed in the same way.
I was significantly empowered to trust in my voice and use it.
I was also educated by this wonderful facilitator. Because she works in the field of human pyschology she passed on this nugget of information:
"Only 20% of the entire population of the world see the world the way the leaders and systems are that control this world. Those 20% are considered normal. Another 60% do not see the world or systems the same way but have learned to adapt and cope in order to survive without being labeled. These are the people who can change the systems and world view because they have learned to live in two worlds. Then there are 20% of people who do not agree with the world and will not conform. These people are seen as deviant and are supposedly the ones that we offer programs and services to try to help them conform. When you think that only 20% actually truly believe in how the world is truly organized and 80 % who do not, you see that the minority actually believe they are normal when in reality it is the majority who are normal ."

I am so glad my mushroom self attended this ceremony. The whole experience was great fertilizer for a Sunflower!

Can a Mushroom Become A Sunflower?

This question has prompted my search to begin a new life, my real life. Like many, many women I took on all the expected roles and duties and happily and sometimes not so happily cared for and served others. Not really having any needs, I thought, other than being happy only when every one else around me was happy.
One day, last year, and it was on a specific day, I woke up. I had an actual "Road to Damascus" experience. (only mine was the 'road to Panorama...') and I realized that I had been in the dark for most of my female life, kept sheltered, isolated even and fed a lot of B.S. aka nutrient rich fertilizer... but now, now I want height, light, warmth, exposure and a complete re-do.
There are no mushrooms that change/evolve into flowers... that I can find in my shallow research. And.. the caterpiller into a butterfly and phoenix from ashes has been done, alot... I actually 'pictured' a mushroom and a sunflower in my mind when I was grappling with what was going on with me and what was it that I wanted. Hence, the mushroom to sunflower evolutionary proposal.
I'll let you know how it's going...